What Hurts The Most
by Karin Ochibi-chan
Summary: I didn't love her as much as they did, but that didn't mean that I didn't miss her. I just had a better time accepting it instead of them. AU Xion's POV Namine-centric


**Karin: Hey guys. A short Naminecentric from me. Hope you like. Although it's kind dark, but hope it's okay anyway. This is in Xion's POV and AU. Also, I recommend the song "What Hurts the Most" by the Rascal Flatts cause that's what inspired me greatly to write this. **

**Ages: **

**Xion- **15

**Sora, Kairi, Roxas, Namine- **10

**Selphie- **9

**Demyx, Axel- **12

**Riku- **11

**Aerith, Tifa- **late 20s

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Kingdom Hearts.

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"_What hurts the most,  
__Was being so close.  
__And having so much to say.  
__And watching you walk away.  
__And never knowing,  
__What could've been.  
__And not seeing that loving you,  
__Is what I was trying to do." _

—Rascal Flatts's song "What Hurts the Most"

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**What Hurts the Most**

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I saw them doing it again. Looking out the window. Not all at once—they took different turns without even saying anything—and they never spoke a word about it to the others lest it make _it_ more real.

_It_ is something we don't talk about here. _It_ will only upset them and cause them to lock themselves in their rooms without eating. They've done that before—the last time Ms. Aerith or Ms. Tifa tried talking to them about _it_. It has been maybe three weeks since they've done a stunt like that.

But it's been about six months since _it_ happened—and it's been six months since they started doing their silly routine of gazing out the window at different times.

_It_ being the incident. We never said "the incident" out loud either.

In a way, if we mention "the incident" or _it_, it shatters the state of mind they build up. The numbness and disbelief they cherished. The ignorance they chose to have over the truth.

Ms. Aerith says they'll come to accept _it _eventually. That they were only young and needed time to sort the facts out. However, I knew they would never accept _it_—not as long as they were breathing. Not at all.

Which explains their childish way of doing so.

The window was always occupied by someone these days after "the incident". I see their tiny hands hold onto the window sill as they stand on their tip toes gazing outside in search of something—sorry, _someone_.

Her.

I wonder how many times they thought they would see her through that cracked window. Was that the only thing going through their minds when they looked outside—whether it be rain or shine; hot or cold—without saying a single word? Just staring out into space at that window for who knows how long.

The same window she herself used to gaze out of as a favorite past time. She once confessed to me—since I was the oldest her at fifteen and she was a little embarrassed to admit it to children her own age—she did it because she thought no matter what the view, it was amazingly beautiful. She always had a thing for nature.

And it would be amazingly beautiful when he came to get her, she said.

I didn't know who she was waiting for at the time—nor did I think that anyone knew she was waiting in the first place besides Ms. Tifa and Ms. Aerith. She never spoke of him, but I could honestly say he wasn't coming to get her out of this place. I didn't have the heart to tell her though. No one did. Ms. Tifa had shared with me that they were very close apparently.

He had died in a car crash a year before she came to this place.

I guess like now, she didn't have the heart to accept that he was dead. Everyday she would stand at that very same window those guys stand at today. Waiting quietly for the person she wanted to see again.

Silly girl; looks like these guys followed in your footsteps of foolishness. This is your legacy.

She was ten. Only ten and so full of life. She was eccentric and loving—never turning one away. A bit on the crazy side at times, but she had a certain charm about her you couldn't help but love. _They_ loved her very much.

Don't think I don't see your silly antics you guys. I see you all very well when you stand at that window waiting for her to come home. I see you Riku as your eyes discreetly search the grounds for any trace of blonde hair. I see you Kairi as you blow mist on the window and write "We miss you so come back soon." with your finger. I see you Selphie jumping up and down excitedly as if she would appear at any moment waving enthusiastically. I see you Sora as you wildly search for clear cerulean eyes and wave lightly when you think you actually caught a glimpse of her only to be mistaken. I see you Demyx as you whistle quietly her favorite tune while looking out the window. I see you Axel tapping your fingers softly on the windowsill the way she did as she stared outside. And I see you Roxas anxiously searching for her as if she had left your grasps through a crowd of people and you were scared she never find her way back to you again.

Ah yes, Roxas, did she affect you the most with her words? I wasn't there, but I didn't have to be to hear you constantly whispering her words as Sora and Riku carried her inside. She had mistaken you as someone else in her delirium.

_"Ventus, you blockhead. What took you so long, huh…?"_

Those were her words, weren't they? I heard Ventus was only thirteen when he died in the crash. I could only assume she and him were friends or something since she had no family in the first place. Could've been a foster brother. I don't know. Ms. Aerith and Ms. Tifa never got that information.

You silly, foolish children. The youngest of you is nine and yet you're wasting your lives away for her. You have so much to live for. Let her go. Stop hanging onto her like she was actually coming back to you. Stop those idiotic dreams of her smiling and being happy with you.

But I know you won't. None of you will. You won't listen to what I have to say. I didn't know her like you all did. I didn't love her like you all did.

And you want to know the saddest thing? The fact that you all never got to tell her how much you loved her. That you'll never stop loving her. Those words were left unspoken and now you can never tell her how you all feel about her.

You loved her dearly. Except she'll never know.

And that's unbearable to you. It's killing you slowly inside.

It seems only yesterday when _it_ happened. It was winter then. You all wanted to play outside. Ms. Aerith and Ms. Tifa let you seeing no harm. They trusted you to stay close and behave. You were all good children after all.

But she was always the daring one, wasn't she? She loved nature far too much it seemed.

Albeit it was very high up—the tree she climbed—she always enjoyed doing that, didn't she? Climbing trees. She liked to climb. She liked high places. It would only make sense that she would climb up this tree.

And it was on that branch where she shared her most cherished memory and her last. She was marveling at the beauty of it all. Saying that once she got back that night, she would plan out to paint it so she could cherish it forever. You all were playing at the time. You knew she wouldn't get hurt. She seemed so invincible. And you were all convinced that she could never, ever, hurt herself.

How foolish.

It snapped. The branch she was on, didn't it? I remember seeing the tree without a limb the next day out the window you all stare out of now. As if it was broken off. It was too late for you all to notice. For her to realize until she was actually tumbling down towards the ground.

She hit her head. Hard.

You all gathered around her after watching her fall with horror on your faces. You were all in chaos trying to get one of you to get Ms. Tifa or Ms. Aerith until Axel ran off to find one of them hastily. Kairi held her while Demyx tried to stop the bleeding.

It was useless though. There was too much blood.

You all yelled at her to hang on, didn't you? You were all crying, weren't you? She only meekly grinned and looked at you all with sadness. The loss of blood was making her dizzy, I'm sure. It was probably very hard for her to focus on you all.

She promised you something, didn't she? That's why you're all so persistent in your window watching. Did she promise to come back to you, I wonder? Did she promise you with a stupid pinky promise that she'd come back to you all?

The blood loss made her so delirious in a few more seconds. It was then she said those words that haunts you now, didn't she Roxas?

And that was that. Ms. Aerith came right after with Axel. She tried to carry her, but you all wouldn't let Ms. Aerith take her away from you like that. You carried her inside waiting for an ambulance. But it was too late. Ms. Aerith knew that. Ms. Tifa knew that. I knew that. You all knew that.

But unlike us, you guys refused to accept it.

The ambulance took her away. Stole her from your grasps once last time. No one saw her again. No one heard from her again. I guess that's where you all developed the delusion that she was still going to come back to you smiling and apologizing for keeping you waiting.

That and your stupid pinky promise. After all, she always kept her word, right?

Though this time, her word was overpowered by something greater. She's not coming back to you guys. Can't you see that?

She's gone. She's not coming back to you. Why can't you see that?

Because you still love her and refuse to let her go. If you let her go, the fact that all those words you wanted to say to her will never have the chance to be said will become true. You'll never get to tell her how precious she was to you all.

She's dead. That's what hurts us all the most.

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_"It's hard to deal with the pain  
Of losing you everywhere I go,  
But I'm doing it.  
It's hard to force that smile  
When I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder.  
Getting up, getting dressed,  
Living with this regret.  
But I know, if I could do it over.  
I would trade  
Give away  
All the words that I saved  
In my heart  
That I left upspoken."_

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**Karin: Inspired by the anime Kanon and the song "What Hurts the Most" by the Rascal Flatts. Sorry it was depressing guys, but I hope you liked it anyway. Reviews are much appreciated. Thank you! **

**See ya Next time! **


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